


The Ground Hasn't Swallowed Me Yet

by TheNerdyTurtle96



Series: Claire's Christmas Oneshots [2]
Category: Hermitcraft RPF
Genre: (that's why it's rated mature), A Few F-Bombs, A decent amount of alcohol, Also a decent amount of swearing, Christmas Party, Civil Conversations, Lots of awkwardness, M/M, Not RPF, Oneshot, Past breakups, Random headcanons about music, Sorry Not Sorry, Straddling the line of crackfic, This just went in a lot of directions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-20
Updated: 2020-12-20
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:22:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,926
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28199091
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheNerdyTurtle96/pseuds/TheNerdyTurtle96
Summary: Prompt: Bdubs and Beef recently broke up, but now they meet at a Christmas party.What could possibly go wrong?
Relationships: BdoubleO100/Docm77, Etho/Daniel M. | VintageBeef
Series: Claire's Christmas Oneshots [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2065737
Comments: 14
Kudos: 27





	The Ground Hasn't Swallowed Me Yet

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: Bdubs and Beef recently broke up, but now they meet at a Christmas party. 
> 
> This is the shortest time period I've ever had in between writing and posting. I literally finished this last night, and I need to post it before I chicken out of it. Anyway… this went in a lot of random directions. As for the actual prompt, well... it’s close enough. You’ll also see some of my headcanons for Bdubs and Etho, drunk Doc, a lot more swearing than I usually use, and a weird ending that I don’t know how to fix. But hey, at least I like the title for once!

“It’s too fucking early for this,” Bdubs whispered just loud enough for Doc to hear. Considering that the cyborg was right at his side, it wasn’t loud at all. Plus, he really didn’t need the guy across from him hearing his remark.

“Who the hell is this?” Doc muttered back.

“My ex,” Bdubs replied, “and apparently his new boyfriend.”

“Holy shit,” the cyborg cursed.

All four were completely frozen, staring at each other like deer in headlights. It was a bit of a goofy sight from an outside perspective, seeing as they were all clad in somewhat dressy attire and other, much happier people were chilling out in the same room. See, Bdubs had been invited to a Christmas party held by one of his friends, Xisuma, and he had also obtained permission to bring a plus-one.

A few months ago, that would have been Beef, whom he was head-over-heels in love with earlier in the year. After a couple of fights, some miscommunication, and a breakup that was thankfully quite civil, that wasn’t the case anymore. In fact, Bdubs had already found new love, and this party was the first event he was attending with Doc as a couple.

Of course, because the universe hated him, Beef had to be here, at this exact party, clutching the hand of a new plus-one as well. The other guy, who he hadn’t met before, was evidently confused about the whole situation, and Beef was likely giving a similar explanation through barely-audible muttering. 

The tension was so thick, yet so fragile, and no one wanted to make the first move to break it. Finally, Doc, being the weirdly chivalrous bastard he was, let out a lengthy sigh and shook his head.

“Shit, I need a drink.”

As Doc started marching towards the bar, he gently pulled Bdubs along by the hand. Still, he couldn’t unstick his eyes from Beef, who was nervously conferring with his new boyfriend. A firm tug turned his attention back to his own partner. 

“How the hell did this happen?” the cyborg grumbled.

“The universe hates me,” Bdubs sighed.

“Well, the universe can wait until I get some damn alcohol in my system. Then we’ll deal with this shit.”

“Fine by me.”

The bartender seemed to have finally noticed the waiting couple and began strolling in their direction.

“Want anything?” Doc offered.

“Nah. Alcohol does trippy stuff to my head,” Bdubs shrugged.

“Suit yourself. Shot of vodka, please,” Doc yelled to the bartender, who nodded and got to work on the order.

“I’m going to talk to Cizuma about this,” the builder told Doc, who downed the tiny glass of vodka in one gulp.

“Cool,” the cyborg muttered. “Cool, cool. God, I need another one of these.”

“Don’t get too drunk, babe.”

“If I have a limit, I haven’t found it yet,” Doc grinned, earning a slow head shake from Bdubs.

Before he ventured from the safety of the bar and his tall, overprotective boyfriend, Bdubs quickly scanned the room, trying to figure out where Beef and the other guy were. Surprisingly, they weren’t together. Beef appeared to be starting a bit of an argument with another one of Bdubs’ friends, Keralis. From across the room, it wasn’t clear what the topic of debate was, but he really didn’t need to get involved. Beef’s new boyfriend, who was easy to spot because of his distinctive white hair, was studying some wall decor on the opposite side of the room from Xisuma. 

Concluding that the coast was clear, Bdubs shimmied his way through the crowd, taking advantage of all of the gaps he could find. Finally, he popped out by Xisuma, who was sipping on a glass of water (at least, he hoped it was water) alone.

“Hey, Cizuma,” Bdubs smiled.

“Oh, hello, Bdubs!” the admin cheerfully replied. “How’s it going?”

“Well… I didn’t know that you had invited Beef, too,” the builder explained, dragging out each word a bit longer than usual.

“Yeah, we’re friends, and for a Christmas party, the more the merrier! Plus, aren’t you two dating anyway?” The smile on Xisuma’s face was so bright and jolly that Bdubs was quite hesitant to ruin it.

“Um, we broke up in September.”

“Oh…” The grin quickly fell, and the admin’s gaze plummeted to the ground. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine,” Bdubs quickly reassured him. “It was actually pretty civil, but now we’re both here with a new plus-one, and I… I don’t know.”

“So the rumors _were_ right after all,” Xisuma muttered, still staring in intense concentration at the floor.

“What rumors?” Bdubs’ eyebrows raised up at that phrase.

“You and Doc, Beef and Etho. Huh.”

“So the guy with the white hair is Etho?”

“Yeah,” the admin nodded, now looking off to the side. “I think he might want to talk to you, too.”

Spinning around, Bdubs’ eyes grew huge, and he nearly screamed. Etho was standing right next to him, so quiet that the builder hadn’t had a clue that he was there. Now not awkwardly staring at the other from a far distance, he could take a closer look at the guy.

He had curly white hair held in place by a black headband that looked endearingly feminine. His eyes didn’t match, one being deep blue and the other a red slightly darker than Tango’s. Above that eye, there were partially masked marks of a diagonal slash, giving a hint to an interesting story.

The combination of a navy sweater and dark green vest simultaneously hid and brought out his thin, wiry frame. Though it felt hard to believe, Etho actually had a good 3 or 4 inches on Bdubs. The delicate manner in which the man carried himself was quite deceptive of his vertical stature.

“Hello,” Etho quietly said.

“Uh… hello?” Bdubs nervously chuckled, subconsciously pulling at his fingers. 

“We haven’t met yet,” the other man stated.

“N-no, we haven’t.” 

Why was it so hard to talk to this guy? Scratch that question, Bdubs knew exactly why: it was weird seeing someone else by Beef’s side. He wasn’t jealous of Etho, and he certainly wasn’t going to break up two perfectly fine relationships to get back to Beef. It was just… different, which he didn’t really like admitting it to himself.

“Well, I’m Etho,” he offered, extending a hand. Bdubs briefly forgot what to do next for a few awkward moments, then suddenly realized that Etho wanted to shake hands. The very tips of his fingers were roughly callused, much like Bdubs’ own.

“Um, well, I’m Bdubs,” he replied. “Fellow musician?”

For a second, Etho was completely and visibly puzzled, causing Bdubs to mentally smack his head into a wall. _Stupid, stupid, stupid. That was so random and dumb. Why in the goddamn world did you lead off with_ that _?_

“Oh, yeah. You must be an avid string player,” Etho smiled, shutting down Bdubs’ systems once again.

“How did you guess?” Then, the words caught up to him. _Stupid, stupid, stupid! Get your fucking act together, Bdubs!_

“Finger calluses. A pleasant scent of rosin,” Etho explained. “You do play strings, right?”

“Y-yeah. All of them, actually.”

“Cool! Do you have a favorite?” They were actually talking, and Bdubs hadn’t died from embarrassment or been swallowed up by the ground yet. Maybe this party wouldn’t be such a mess after all.

“To be honest, viola. Violin’s got a very thin line between too shrill and just right. Cello can get a bit growly at times. Bass registers too low for my taste. Thus, viola is my favorite,” Bdubs concluded. “Plus, it’s got a rich, earthy tone, perfect for emotional songs. In my opinion, the C-string is better on the viola than cello. It still has opportunity to soar high, but it handles the valleys masterfully.”

Etho was amusedly watching Bdubs’ eyes shimmer with excitement as he geeked out about string instruments. 

“That’s an interesting analysis,” the other man finally replied, breaking Bdubs out of his trance. “I was first taught the cello, which remains my strongest love. I would agree that there are fine lines between growling, shrieking, and balanced tone. On the cello, you have to deal with both. Once you master those boundaries, it’s simply gorgeous. It took me years to get there, but it was so worth it.”

“Do you play professionally?” Bdubs asked, no longer concerned that Etho would think he was stupid. 

“Kind of. I’m a bit more known for my compositions and arrangements,” he shrugged. “And yourself?”

“I’m a high school orchestra director. Can’t believe I haven’t seen your work before,” Bdubs answered with a shake of his head.

“Etho is a nickname. I usually publish under Ethan Chemesen,” the other man responded, scratching the back of his neck.

“Oh yeah!” Bdubs exclaimed. “I’ve directed some of your pieces. In fact, I’m about to assign my honors group ‘Sheep o’ Scotland’.”

“That one was a ton of fun to write,” Etho grinned. “Make sure your first violins are up for a challenge!”

“Wha’ kine o’ a challen’?” 

A new voice from behind Bdubs caused him to spin around in shock once again. This time, the person wasn’t even close to unfamiliar.

“Doc? What did you say?”

“Didja say somefin ‘bout a challenge?” The cyborg’s thick accent sometimes made it hard to understand what he was saying, but this was another level of incomprehensible.

“Holy shit, how much alcohol has this guy had?” Etho muttered to Bdubs, who suddenly remembered leaving his boyfriend unattended at the bar. How long had they been talking for? Who knew how many shots Doc had gulped down in that time?

“No damn clue,” he whispered back.

“Also, who is this guy?”

“Uh... don’t let this first impression ruin everything,” Bdubs stalled, “but this is my boyfriend, Doc.”

“I see,” Etho slowly nodded.

“Hey, babe? How many shots did you have?” Bdubs questioned Doc, who was stumbling around somewhat precariously.

“I’m fine,” Doc grumbled. “Don’t worry ‘bout me.”

“Doc, how many?” The strict teacher's voice had been brought out, and Doc groaned before responding.

“I dunno. Check the tab.”

“Well, that’s totally not a disconcerting answer,” Bdubs sighed. “My apologies, Etho.”

“No worries. I’ve dealt with this before. Probably better go find Beefers and make sure he’s not up to similar trouble.”

A loud crash suddenly came from the other end of the room, and both Etho and Bdubs recognized the shouting voice accompanying the commotion. 

“Mighta spoke too soon,” Etho added. “Nice talking with ya.”

“Same here. Have a good night,” Bdubs smiled.

Etho was soon worming his way through the crowd, presumably trying to stop his boyfriend from doing anything else really stupid. Meanwhile, Bdubs was left alone with an extremely drunk Doc.

“You know, babe, maybe we should just go home,” he sighed once again. “I don’t really feel like following you around for the rest of the night to make sure you don’t do anything dumb while drunk.”

“Whatever,” Doc slurred.

“Alright. I’ll deal with the tab and then we’ll go home,” Bdubs replied.

Upon later, early-morning reflection, almost nothing at the party had gone according to plan. Doc had somehow gotten more drunk than Bdubs had ever seen him. He ended up falling asleep as soon as they got home, and the cyborg had a massive hangover in the morning. Additionally, Beef had showed up with a new boyfriend, who was actually quite lovely to talk to. 

But, really, it was a Christmas party between mutual acquaintances of Xisuma. What else was he to expect?

**Author's Note:**

> Hopefully that wasn't too dumb. I'll post a less cracky Christmas oneshot probably on Wednesday. Feel free to yell at me in the comments! :)


End file.
